Attributes of Love: Forgiveness

Defined as "the action of stop feeling angry or resentful towards (someone) for an offense, flaw, mistake". One of the more important attributes of love is forgiveness, though it can also be one of the most difficult things to do, also one of the most misunderstood, it is often said that forgiveness is basically to stop your own feelings of anger or resentment towards someone, however, forgiveness is more complex than just that, here we will use two terms fake forgiveness and heart forgiveness.

Fake Forgiveness: In this type of forgiveness people trick themselves into thinking they have forgiven someone, however, they do not forget the offense nor give other chances to those who have hurt them. They trick themselves into thinking they do not have feelings of anger or resentment, though when those persons come to their minds or met again by chance, those feelings resurface.

Heart Forgiveness: In this type of forgiveness people decide to forget the offense, which allows them to truly stop their feelings of anger and resentment, allowing them to continue trusting the offender(s), Heart Forgiveness is vital for any kind of lasting relationships whether it is friendship, couples, or family.
While Heart Forgiveness could be one of the most difficult things to do, there are some tips that could make it easier:

• Accept the fact that we all make mistakes.
• Understand that what happened cannot be undone, but you can learn from it.
• Stop dwelling in the past events related to the offense.
• Understand there are many reasons people do or don't do things, including reasons that go beyond their own control (low level of maturity, complex family issues, failure to know themselves, traumas, memory issues, brain damage, need of approval, among others).
• Put yourself in the offender's shoes, ask yourself: what you'd want to happen if it were you, how you would feel, would you like to be truly forgiven?
• Identify the positive outcomes (lessons learned, resilience development, newly discovered skills, etc).

Heart Forgiveness is also one of the best tools at hand to positively impact others so they quit their wrong ways, and change for good.

It is important to mention that forgiveness does not mean the offenders must not be responsible for the offense.

What you would think are good examples of Heart Forgiveness?(Reply in the comments)

Love is helping those who need help

Love is caring and doing our best for others.

Every single person has one or more particular situations which make that person feel sad, hurt, stressed, or worried.
Every single person crossing our paths through life needs something we could and should give to that person, that something can be an honest smile, a hug, words of encouragement, or just to be heard.

Whenever we can let's give that something, that smile, that hug, those words of encouragement, that listening. These little acts have the power to change and save lives.

I myself am very reserved with my personal situations and tend to share them only with people with whom I have grown fond and also tend to ask for help when I find no way to solve a particular situation by myself, that many times has two costs:

1. You keep the annoying emotions longer that you should.
2. You skip helping a person who may be needing to hear that is not the only person living a particular situation.

I am very optimistic, and I know every single situation has a solution, and that everything that happens in life has a purpose, however, I'm human, I have feelings and emotions, of course in my life I have experienced moments where I have been extremely sad, moments where I have felt hopeless, moments where I have questioned if some situations may not have a solution, but I also have felt the amazing power love has, many years ago I met a great friend who needed no words to make my life better for a few moments, her hugs always made me feel better and calmed me down, 'cause she had so much love in her heart.

On high school I met one of by best friends in life, who always saw through me, she used to ask me what was wrong, she knew when I was feeling sad even when I wasn't showing my mood, the fact of just being asked that, always made me feel better.

In december 2016, I was living one of those extremely sad moments which had no immediate solution, and a situation which was totally out of my hands. I knew the solution, however it required waiting and planning, the longer I had to wait, the worse I felt, I did ask for advice, most of them were "everything is going to be ok" (a phrase I hate 'cause I know that, and I was looking for solutions not just words).

Back then I had the liberty to work from anywhere I wanted, anytime I wanted, so the temporary solution was to go work to places where I could clear my mind and find little things to make me feel better, when you are feeling sad, it is very important to go and find things that you like and that make you feel better( for me nature and especially waterfalls and kids usually do the trick ).

That's when I made of Starbucks my office, their service was something that I liked, they always smiled at me, one person in there always shortened my name the way I love people call me, that usually makes me feel cherished.

When you work from a coffee shop for a time, you see a lot of persons who you can offer some help to, or just talk to them to make them feel better or at least forget their problems for a moment, people living on depression, others in the process of divorce, others who lost a child, others who lost their job and need to sustain a family, people whose relatives have died, others who feel lonely, a lot of situations that we may not know unless we talk to them.

Why is it important to talk to those persons we do not know, to show them we care, to make them feel loved?

1. First, that's something we all want and deserve, to be cherished, loved, to know there are persons who care for us, and that there is always hope no matter the particular situation we may be living in.
2. Second, people have different levels of resilience, some persons are optimistic, others are realistic, other pessimist, and there is only so much we can endure by ourselves.

Many persons feel their issues are so big that there are no solutions, and there is no exit, and then take wrong decisions such as temporarily escaping from their problems by using drugs, constantly getting drunk and even suiciding.
All of these sad situations can be prevented by showing those persons we care about them.

Remember, love is a strong feeling of deep affection towards everyone, love is caring, understanding, and doing our best for the well-being of others.

Attributes of Love: Kindness - Part I

Another of the main attributes of love is kindness.
According to Oxford Online Dictionary, it is defined as the quality of being friendly, generous and considerate.
According to VIA Institute of Character, kindness is a pervasive tendency to be nice to people, it is compassion and a big honest concern for the welfare of others, a propensity to do favors, take care of others and do good deeds, kind people spend most of their time doing what is called acts of kindness, from small to huge, these acts have something in common, they are done in order to help other persons, without expecting nothing in return, other than the feeling of satisfaction for helping others.

The list of acts of kindness is probably infinite, still, here we have a small list of certain acts of kindness to begin with:

1. Smile
1. Smiling has a powerful effect on yourself and others, first, it makes you feel more relaxed, and in peace, which in turns makes others feel welcome, appreciated, accepted.
   When you genuinely smile to others you automatically send them a message of being a nice person, someone who can be trusted, and not only that, smiles can have an extremely powerful effect on others emotions and decisions, a smile, literally, has the power to save lives.
   Let's think for example a person who has had a bad day and feels very sad, even depressed, a genuine smile from even a total stranger can enlight that person's day.
   Let's think for example of a person who feels there is nothing left in the world and who is considering suicide, an honest smile, from even a total stranger, can change that person's day and prevent the act's execution.
2. Hold the door open
1. When you hold the door open for another person, you are sending a message of considering that other person as important.
   The act of holding the door open usually consist of opening the door, holding it, and allow the other person to cross the door before you do it, this is placing others first, a sign of respect.
3. Show up on time
1. When you show up on time and make it an habit, you are being considerate to the other person's time and daily responsibilities, you are showing that person is important and respected by you.
   To better understand this let's think of the opposite case, let's imagine you have a a meeting with someone at 7 a.m.(let's call it Person 1) and another with other person at 8 a.m. (Person 1), and Person 1 does not show up until 7:50 a.m., without even trying to let you know that is arriving late, and yet, assumes the meeting will be happening, without even considering if your time is booked(for a meeting with Person 2, or any other activity), this is a sign of disrespect, and a lack of consideration for your valuable time and responsibilities.
4. Compliment others
1. Compliment is a way to express admiration for other person, and a way to make that person feel appreciated. Compliments actually help boost the receptor's morale and is a key element in the development of healthy self-esteem.
5. Strike up a conversation with an employee
1. By striking up a conversation, you are showing your employees that you appreciate them, and that you do not consider them less than you, no matter your roles or position in the company' hierarchy.
6. Tip generously
1. When you generously tip somebody, you are showing the other persons that is appreciated, and that you are thankful by that person's service.
7. Check in with your loved ones
1. Humans are social beings, and we all like to feel appreciated and cherished, our loved ones are not the exception, it is important to stay in contact and show we love them.
8. Be kind to someone you dislike
1. In life we will often find persons we will dislike, it is very difficult to get along with everyone, however it is important to let go any negative feelings someone may cause us and turn them into positive feelings. Many times the persons with attitudes we do not like have difficult situation in their personal lives.
9. Pay for the person's coffee behind you
1. When you pay for someone else's coffee, especially if it is a total stronger, that person is usually grateful to you, not only it is a nice gesture, but you are also saving them money.
10. Leave a sweet note for someone you love
1. Everybody loves to feel appreciated, writing a note to someone you love will show that person that you care, and that is of great value to you.

Reply in the comments: Which other acts of kindness you practice or know of?

Attributes of Love: Empathy

One of the main attributes of love is empathy, according to Oxford Online Dictionary, it is defined as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
Empathy allows you to put yourself in someone else's shoes, in fact, empathy allows you experience others feelings as if they were yours, as if you were the same person living the actual experience.
Empathy is placing yourself in their shoes and feel what they are feeling.
Empathy is actually one of the main factors in the development of kindness.

According to Daniel Goleman, empathy is composed of five key elements:

1. Understanding Others
1. Persons who have developed empathy have learned to listen well, to pay attention to non-verbal communication, they also show sensitivity and understand others perspectives, these empathic persons have gained the ability to sense others emotions. Empathic people are actually able to sense see beyond the walls and masks commonly used to hide emotions. They also understand that there is more than meets the eye, meaning, that not everything is what it seems, that it is not ok to judge persons, and much less under a first impression. Empathic people understand that behavior is tightly linked to the lived experiences and that each of those affects us all positively or negatively. Empathic people also tend to see the best in everyone.
2. Empaths are able to help other people based on their understanding of those people needs and feelings.
3. Persons who have sharpened their empathy skills tend to be able to identify others emotions even when they are being hidden.
2. Developing Others
1. People who have developed empathy tend to see the best in others, and do their best to help those others become the best version of themselves. 
3. Having a Service Orientation
1. People who have developed empathy stop focusing only on themselves, they give up their egos, and instead focus on ways to help others persons, especially persons in need.
4. Leveraging Diversity
1. Every person is unique, each individual has specific experiences, abilities, beliefs and opinions, that makes every person different from each other.
   People who have developed empathy understand that the differences do not make you weak, and instead makes you stronger, differences in beliefs and opinions when handled correctly create healthy arguments that bring the best results, different music skills for example, allows you to create a band with many different instruments that when working together create the most beautiful melodies. 
2. Leveraging diversity is basically understand the differences and take advantage of them in order to bring the best results possible.
5. Political Awareness
1. It is about understanding the currents or hidden agendas in an organisation, and in power relationships. This skill is the one which allows to understand the world around you, it also allows you to understand the world inside yourself, help you acts wisely, create opportunities for everyone, looking for win-win solutions.

Please answer in the comments: Which other elements you would say are part of empathy?

What love really means

According to Oxford dictionary, the word love has the following definitions:

1. A strong feeling of deep affection
2. A great interest and pleasure in something

In general, when people talk about love, it is usually misunderstood as romance, however, love does not necessarily need romance, love is something way bigger than that.
As seen from the definitions given before, love is basically having strong affection and interest, here we will talk about the love to other human beings.

As we grow up and start understanding life, and enjoying experiences, we also become affectionate to many of our acquaintances, we start to care they are ok, we begin to miss them when they are away, especially when away for long, some people say that those persons become part of us, and in certain way they are, since we have shared many experience and have had precious moments and memories with them, a huge part of our lives is shared with them.

Love, however, is still more than caring for people we share moments with.
One of the main components of love, is empathy, which is defined as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another, and this component is the one which gives us the ability to deeply care for people who we may not even know at all, it is also one of the many factors which cause a mother to love their children, long before they are even born.

Empathy makes you care for all people, and especially for those in very difficult situations, such as addiction, homelessness, poverty, aggression and similar.
Empathy makes you do what is within your power to make their lives a little better, to give them hope, to make them smile, and help them become the best version of themselves.

Love is something that we all know, actually we all have an innate ability to love, we are born loving and being loved.

Below you will find a list of the many of the attributes love is composed of:

1. Empathy
2. Kindness
3. Respect
4. Interest
5. Hope
6. Mercy
7. Togetherness
8. Forgiveness
9. Humility
10. Compassion
11. Tenderness
12. Sweetness

Answer in the comments: Which other attributes you would say love is composed of?

Keep checking the blog, for the next set of post named Attributes of Love, where we will describe and show examples of each of these attributes, starting with Attributes of Love: Empathy.